Laughing
Stock Cowpedium of Jokes
Laughing
Stock presents the cowmplete
cow joke cowmpedium.
Simple
Jokes
What
do you call a cow at the North Pole?
An Eskimoo
What
subjects do cows do at school?
Cowculus
What
do cows use to do maths?
A cowculator
What
do you call a cow who can't give milk?
An udder failure
What
do you call a stupid cow?
A mooron
What
do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean Beef
What
do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Side of beef
What
do you call a cow with 1 leg?
Steak
What
do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What
do you call a legless cow?
Stewed beef
Why
did the cows not go on strike?
Because they had no beef
with the farmer
What
is a cow's favorite moosical
note?
Beef flat
Why
do cows wear bells?
Because they can't get their horns to work
Did
you know they banned round hay bales for cows?
They were worried they weren't getting a square
meal
Did
you hear the one about the prophetic cow?
It could look into the pasture
and the future.
Why
can't you shock cows?
They've herd
it all before
Where
do cows on vacation?
Cowpenhagen,
Haywaii, Bermooda,
Pittsburger Moscow
Where's
Moscow?
Right next to pa's cow! (It's full of cowmmunists.)
Do
you want to here a joke about draft bovine
animals?
No and don't ox
my again
What's
the only note cow moosicians
can play?
Beef flat
What
sort of classic moosic
do cows listen to?
Mootzart and
Tchaicowski
Why
did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder
side
What
did the lovesick bull sing to the cow?
When I fall in love it will be for heifer
(or Can't stop loving moo)
Have
you herd the
one about the snobby cow?
She thought she was a cutlet
above the rest
What's
the cow's golden rule for living?
Do unto udders
and you would have udders
do unto you
Why
US state has the most cows?
Moosouri, Wiscownsin,
Moo York, Moo
Jersey, Milkwaukee
Where
do cows go to eat?
To the calfateria
What
sort of churches do cows go to?
Epsicowpalien
What
doesn't Sweden export it's cows?
It likes to keep it's Stockholm
What
sort of milk do you get from a nervous cow?
Milkshake
What
sort of milk do you get from an invisible
cow?
Evaporated milk
What
sort of milk do you get from a forgetful cow?
Milk of amnesia
What
sort of milk do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk
Where
do you go to see old cows?
A mooseum
If
a bull is chasing you what steps should you
take?
The longest ones you can!
What
do you call the black and white spots on a
cow?
Holstaines
What
did the calf say to the barn?
Is my fodder
in there?
What
breed of cow can you take to a football game?
A Jersey
What's
a cow's favorite moovie?
Steer Wars (but
not the Phantom Moonace!)
The
police have been watching that cow for days
now...
It's a steak
out!
What
do you get if you cross a cow and a male chicken?
Roost beef (and it would go Cockledoodlemoo)
What
do you get if you cross a cow and a kangeroo?
A Kangermoo
What
do you get if you cross a Jersey cow and a
kangeroo?
A wooly jumper
How
did the farmer find the missing cow?
He tractor down
What
happened to the other missing cattle?
Nobody's herd
Where
do cows buy their clothes?
From a cattlelogue
What
do you call a man with cow dropping all over
his feet?
An incowpoop! (or Pat)
What
theatre shows make cows feel ill?
Moosickals
Why
were the cows mad at their farmer?
He had no consideration for the feelings of
udders
Longer
Jokes
A
woman walks up to a newsstand where a cow
is selling magazines.
'Excuse me,' says the woman. 'Do you keep
stationary.'
'Most of the time,' says the cow. 'But I go
home for lunch.'
Knock
Knock
Whose there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No silly, cows go MOO!
The
farmer lost control of his tractor in the
pasture
Did he hurt the cows?
No he just grazed them!
A
man climbed into a field to pick flowers and
noticed there was a bull nearby. So he asked
the farmer "Is the Bull safe?"
"Well," said the farmer. "He's
alot safer than you are right now!"
A
squirrel is sitting in a tree when a cow comes
up and sits beside him.
'Why are you here?' asks the squirrel.
'To eat apples,' says the cows.
'But this is a pine tree.'
'I know I brought my own apples!'
